Measuring school success encompasses so much more than A's, B's and SAT's

"The Secrets to Having the Teenage
Daughter you Actually Like"
with Dr. Cheryl Guy

In the adult world we've all heard the saying "It's not what you know, but who you know." During the high school years, it is actually the reverse. It definitely is not about who, but what you know.

I'm not necessarily referring to what you know about U.S. History or Newton's Law of Physics. I am talking about the knowledge a teen has about what they want out of their entire middle or high school experience. Time and time again, I ask rooms full of teens this question, "What do you hope to accomplish this year?" Their replies are usually, "To get good grades." That is a great goal, but they usually do not know anything about how to go about making good grades. The common answers of studying and doing your homework is only small pieces of the puzzle.

There is also a fine balancing act that must take place to juggle the demands of the high school experience. One part of the balancing act is the value of time management. Some aspects of time management can be friend time, boyfriend time, study time, work time, chore time, family time, exercise time, extra-curricular activities time, club time, cell phone time, computer time, sleep time etc. As you see, the list could go on and on. Teenagers typically do not enter their middle school years with time management skills already being fine tuned. That is where we come in as parents. We need to help them with this as they involve themselves in school life.

What do you do if your daughter doesn't want to be involved in extracurricular activities? Be very careful of your answer to that question. We as parents need to encourage our daughters to get out there and try new things. If fear of failure is preventing her from trying, we are missing a golden opportunity to teach many valuable life lessons. Not to mention the fact that the more free time a teen has on her hands, the more time she has for her hands to be in other places.

One parent I counseled asked if she should force her daughter to become involved in school sports or club activities since she had elected to do nothing. I asked the mother what her reasons were for wanting her daughter to become more involved. She said she didn't want her to lose touch with her friends and she was worried her daughter would begin comparing herself to others who were involved, thereby affecting her self-confidence. After she named her concerns, I reminded her that everyone needs an outlet to express their emotions, creativity, and passions. I encouraged mom to work with her daughter each night to help discover possible ways those areas could be met. Mom and daughter reported back to me with a list of possibilities. We then developed an exploration plan of the daughters self-discovery. The process involved mom's help and she rose to the occasion indeed. Mom sought answers to her concerns and became an advocate for helping her daughter tap into herself.

I encourage all mothers to do the same for their children. In my Rx Manual: The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter you Actually Like, mothers and daughters are presented with assignments to help with time management and dealing with the balancing act of academics in teen life. Parenting your teenage daughter can actually be fun if you allow it to be. Her school success is determined by much more than just study tips and good grades.